Having to put up with different people on a flight is the perfect definition of strange. It’s called phony kicking it. It’s stupid but everyone’s doing it. Here a list of twelve kinds of people you will likely meet at the airport. I’m sure I tick a few boxes but feel free to add yours in the comment section.
The Young Executive
The hoodie-wearing dude at the corner with some sophisticated gadget is probably the CEO of a cool tech start-up. He is very conservative and would take delight in his loneliness. It is difficult to understand them, because they look cool but never appear rich ENOUGH.
They are those who are flying for the very first time. They are either too enthusiastic about the flight or are seated tight-fisted in fear. They would ask you questions about everything at the airport or on the airplane.
The Killers of Time
The kind of people you do not want to meet on a queue. Super-lacklustre, searching for one document or the other while on the queue. You wonder why some people like to get to the airport early? There you have it, this set of travellers. These “killers” are most times just lucky to meet their flight because of their lateness.
The Airline Employee who hates her job
The worst of the list, they don’t enjoy their jobs and would make you, an innocent traveller, suffer for it. Ask a simple question like “Where is the restroom?” and their reply would be over 1,000 words. If you don’t like your job, quit abeg, no use your reggae spoil my blues na.
The Business Mogul
Most times decked in a three-piece-suit, this is the guy who probably knows the airport more than the airline staffs. Talking on the phone with some mysterious fellow and gesticulating vigorously. His only luggage is probably his briefcase and he is only flying to seal a deal.
The Kid with the Temper-Tantrum
A baby who is between 8 months and 4 years, crying on a plane is not my issue. Older than that can be frustrating, the parents/guardian the worst hit by this menace. They would request for everything at the airport and not be saturated. The thought of throwing them out of the plane comes once in awhile.
The Guy with Plugged-in Earphones
Sometimes I wonder how these peeps cope. It is like they forget that they are at the airport and you will find them either dropping some dance-steps or singing aloud like it is a sing-along. When they realize how foolish they have acted, they try to form “cool, calm and collected”.
They want to exhaust all the money the spent for air ticket, so they would eat every dish served and empty every bottle to the last drop. After this they would probably sleep off and sometimes snore crazily.
That “friend” you should avoid at the airport. He/She is looking to make new friends and all it takes is an eye contact by mistake. Then he/she would come over and tell you of one inconsequentially funny coincidence that means nothing to you. Once the mistake eye contact is made, please for your sake pretend you were looking somewhere else and walk away.
These are the selfie-maniacs. They can be all male, all female or an equal blend. They are likely going for a convention or vacation and so would trade anything to have time of their lives. They can talk for hours about matters that have no economic relevance.
The “Important” Sumboree
Even if you search them on Google, you will probably find nothing. She is strutting “a runway” wearing sunglasses and seeking attention. When the security guard asks “What is your name?”, in a fury they reply, “Don’t you know who I am?” Who cares? She acts too “diva” to be in that particular airport.
The Peeps who live in the Restroom
They are easily bored on the plane and after reading all James Hadley Chase books, there’s nothing else to do. So they will visit the restroom over and over and spend too much time there.